Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
