I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
