I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
