i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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