I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
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