you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
God, I missed his penis.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
