Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
