We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
