I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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