I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
