considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
