Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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