he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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