***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Randomize
