Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
