I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
