Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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