Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
