sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
