The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
