so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
