Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
