my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize