he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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