It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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