I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I have aggressive nipples.
Randomize
