Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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