I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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