I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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