i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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