puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
