if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize