We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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