Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
