Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
