Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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