i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Let's paint friendship bongs
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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