It's just like the Real World with babies
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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