Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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