Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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