he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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