and you said cock pushups were impossible
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
