Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
