dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Sext me about skeletons
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
soo... how was my night?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
