I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
