Princesses don't give blow jobs
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
