I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
