Non-Jews are for practice
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
