How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
