Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
