Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
