three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
