Acid is not a monday night drug
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
