Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
