Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
There's always time for handjobs
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Randomize
