I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
