you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
