It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
