I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
