I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Dicks are not precious.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
