Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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