he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
