once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
