GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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