I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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