Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
