Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
