So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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