Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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