I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
