im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Need sex. Gaining weight.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
