Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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