last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
