Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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