I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
