ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
