we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
