you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
