you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
