dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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