I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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