What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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