the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize