He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
