My brain says no but my pants say off.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
