I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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