i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
